overheard

** warning. i'm just telling y'all, there may be a little offensive language in this post. cover your eyes and ears if you can't hang!!

conversations with C this week:

getting out of the tub: "mama, if you don't hurry up and hand me a towel my nuts are going to freeze off!"
"buddy, where'd you hear THAT?"
"____ (name deleted to protect the not really innocent) said it on the playground yesterday. i bought died laughing."
"yeah well, if you're going to say that word make sure you say it only to other boys and not to little kids or girls, okay?"
"sure mama".  (dies laughing again.)

reading a book: "P.D. ***man- is that the author's name?"
"that would be P.D. EASTman".


in the car with a bunch of kids who are not all mine: "you know what my friend _____ says all the time? CRAP. he says it a lot."
"hey bud- remember that rule we have about not saying words you hear unless you ask me first about it? because that's not a very nice word."
"oh yeah. that rule. i'll try to remember next time, okay mama?".
"okay buddy" (praying that my friend doesn't call me to say thanks for teaching her kids the word CRAP. and also thanking God he didn't say he heard it from me or his daddy.)

THE conversation

at dinner tonight i was telling caleb how i got to hold and feed little brielle goza- and that kendall was a big sisiter now.. and then we started teasing him about how we wanted a baby sister so he was going to have to take care of her and change pooper diapers, etc., etc.
Keith left to clear the table and THIS is the conversation that followed:

C: mama, you know what happens with boys and girls when there are babies.

(what the CRAP is he talking about!!?? okay, you can do this mama. compose your face!!)

me: umm, no buddy. why don't you tell me about that?

C: you know, the stuff with boys and girls. the stuff that goes on with them.

(oh DEAR JESUS.)

me: mmm, nope. tell me- what goes on with boys and girls?

C: you know, the mean and the ugly with boys and girls.

(i'm going to kill whatever kid has told him this stuff. KILL them. and their stinkin' sorry mama and daddy too. oh MY WORD.)

me: what's mean and ugly with boys and girls? (leaning closer).

(God give me strength. i can do this.)

C: mumbles something that i can't hear because MY HEART IS BEATING SO VERY LOUD.

me: umm, what buddy? i didn't hear you.

C: boys and girls- they're mean to each other. so if we had a baby sister we'd be mean to her and you'd say we were being ugly.

me: you know what? y'all probably would be. no babies for us.

(oh thank YOU THANK YOU THANK You God. THANK YOU THANK you THANK YOU.)

and i'm still recovering from THIS conversation. oh my.

if y'all hear about my kid on facebook, just keep it to yourself.

looked outside to check on collin and he was BUCK NAKED riding his tricycle (sorry i did not get a picture). when he saw me he started waving and smiling like he was in a durn parade or something- and yelling, "hey mama! i wuv you ma ma! i nekked mama!" thank you Lord for this child who makes me laugh EVERY day!

 this was my status last week on facebook just in case you didn't see it. i can't go anywhere without somebody telling me how funny it was (not exaggerating!) so i'm pretty sure if you read here you did too :) i'm telling y'all, this child has the biggest personality. i just don't think his small little body can contain it.

today we went to the pool. on the little kid side there's zero entry, so i usually park my chair at the start of the water to watch the boys play. on the other side of me there was a little group of teenage girls who were sitting in their chairs. guess who decided to be the ladies man amongst them??

nekked boy himself: collin polk. usually, there are mamas and daddies playing with their children in the water and he'll go right up to them and start talking and playing because he knows his own mama isn't leaving her chair. (i come to the pool to relax and don't y'all forget it. if you're a mom who's ever taken her small children to a body of water then you know that i'm LYING like a dadgum rug here!! but i really want to sit in my chair. as God as my witness, one day i will relax at the pool.) since those girls were sitting there, he decided to yell, "hey. HEY. hey!!" really loud over and over at them. they thought he was adorable. he just kept going back for more. he rode his boogie board in between their chairs. he shot them with his watergun (well, tried to since he can't pull the trigger). he showed them his toys. they were sweet and smiled and made a little conversation. this isn't anything new, it's what he does when he finds anyone who makes eye contact with him. he's a friendly fella.

normally when this happens i try to distract him so that the nice mom and dad can actually play with THEIR OWN kid other than mine. but today? i decided to just let it ride. it's good birth control for those girls. i'm sure their moms are thanking me right now. i'm sure while they were smiling at him and yet texting on their phones they were really updating their status to say things like:

"lookin' so hot at the pool today except for this little kid who keeps splashing me. where is his mama?! i did not come here to babysit. so lame."

"when i'm a mom i'm going to watch my kids at the pool. wait, i'm NEVER having kids"

 "this kid is cute. now go away cute kid!"

y'all think i care? not really. i spent 15 minutes living the dream :)

the bad news vs. the good news

the bad news: collin is sick. the good news: we got some meds and should be good as new soon.

the bad news: i'm missing caleb's ball game tonight to stay home with collin. the good news: i did not have to chase collin all over the bleachers, the dug out and onto the field like i did last week.

the bad news: keith is maybe going out of town tomorrow. the good news: he'll feel guilty about it and therefore will pretty much do the dishes/bathtime/bedtime every night next week.

the bad news: i can't go help decorate for a rehearsal dinner tomorrow, and i was really looking forward to the money and the time away. the good news: i can pretty much wear my pajamas all day tomorrow and get away with it.

the bad news: in junior high i (badly) faked hyperventilating and laryngitis to get out of PE. the good news: it worked AND i don't have to take PE ever again.

the bad news: i'm addicted to friday night lights. the good news: there's about a million episodes.

the bad news: collin has sucked a paci (which he gave up at a year old), and drug around his lovey + blanket all day since he's been sick. the good news: it's precious and i miss pacis and i hope he sleeps with his "rah-rah" when he's eight.

the bad news: caleb is six. the good news: caleb is six.

the bad news: i ate a lot (okay, fine. most) of the leftover ice cream from his birthday. the good news: i didn't eat any of the cake.

the bad news: i've watched entirely too much barney today. the good news: barney is better than diego any day. i think it's ridiculous that dora and diego YELL! EVERYTHING! LIKE! OUR! KIDS! ARE DEAF! AND STUPID!

the bad news: i have a large pile of laundry that didn't get done today. i should have done it while i was watching barney but he's just so riveting i can't concentrate. the good news: it's all clean laundry and keith will probably fold it before he leaves because he feels so very guilty.

the bad news: i can't think of anything else to say. the good news: you can all stop reading now.

** edited to add: the bad news: keith is not going to feel guilty next week. the good news: keith is not going out of town because he doesn't want to leave me with a sick baby, so any of you crazy stalker people who were planning a visit this weekend because i said my husband might be gone can just stay home now. thanks!

negotiation skills

i think that if you are mother of a two year old then you should be considered highly qualified to negotiate hostages, deal with the insane, and talk down suicidal people off of ledges. not that i'm comparing my two year old to any of the three, i'm just saying that it takes a lot of reasoning and thinking quick on your feet to keep from getting in a screaming match with him. in my opinion, yelling at your child and expecting them to do what you ask is like honking your horn and expecting your car to drive.

here are some examples of what i mean:

about 50 (or more) times a day collin tells me somewhere he wants to go or someone he wants to see. usually these things are impossible:

"mooomeeee, i wan' go see meme pop".

now, meme and pop live three hours away and both work- so, we aren't going to see meme and pop at 7:45 on a monday night. any rational person i could tell this to, but not a two year old.

do i say, "we can't go today buddy, maybe another day" or "it's a long drive to go see meme and pop"? umm, not unless you wish to start bleeding out of your ears.
under NO circumstances are these two statements or any others suggesting a trip to the grandparents as an impossibility are to be said. NO circumstances. wailing, screaming, lying on the floor- these things will follow. i'm just sayin'.

what i do say is, "okay" with just the right amount of cheerfulness and enthusiasm. you don't say "okay" like you're actually going to take him. you say it like you understood what he said or you say it almost like you're sympathetic. if he keeps asking, then you repeat what he said back to him indicating that you've heard and understood. this cycle will be repeated several, multiple, repeated times a day, but if there's the SLIGHTEST bit of aggravation in your voice he will know that he's won and will get louder and shriekier with his demands. (shriekier, is that a word? it should be. sometimes i just make up my words. it's fun- you should try it!)

second area of master negotiation- asking for food or another item that he can't have.

"mooomeeee i wan' a cookie!" "pwease cookie!"

once again, the word "no" is not to enter into this conversation. you say, "would you like a banana, or some grapes, an apple, or orange?"

he is of course going to yell NO at you to each of those options, and then loudly and repeatedly ask for a cookie. here's where you have to be slick people. you ignore all of the demands, and then pull out his favorite, an apple. you say, "i'm going to eat some apple." and then, get completely engrossed in the cutting of your apple, ignoring all of his demands. he's going to forget about a cookie, and cry for YOUR apple- because he always wants what you're eating anyway. you say, "okay, i'll share some with you". meltdown situation avoided.

master negotiators know that you have to let the individual believe that they are in control. if you want them to come down from that ledge they have to believe nobody's making them, that it's their choice.

say for instance we are getting ready to go into a store and collin has taken his shoes off. if you try to put the shoes on, as his daddy attempted at church wednesday night- you are going to be walking away with not only his shoes but your you-know-what handed to you.

what you do, "collin, do you want to go inside the store and ride the car?" he will say, "NO!". it may be tempting at this point to lose your cool and start yelling or force the shoes. hold out friend, there's nothing harder than trying to put shoes on a flailing, screaming and kicking two year old. ask keith. (disclaimer, daddy is great at many things, but he is quick to tell you toddler negotiation is not one of them.)

you say, "okay, then i'm going to go inside and ride the car. i'll see you later." smile, back up and act like you're going to shut the car door. promise you those shoes will be on in no time flat.

lastly, there are times when you have to get tough. mean. toddlers know when you're serious, and they also know when you're just losing your patience.

the situation: collin is attempting to ride his tricycle into the street. you say, "you CAN NOT ride that bike into the road. get back up here." you don't yell it- you just get loud and firm.

he looks at you and says, "NO!"

you march over to him, grab hold of the bike, squat down, look him square in the eye and say, "if you do not move this bike up away from the street i will put it up and we will GO IN SIDE." (you have to mean it too. if he knows there's the slightest chance you're bluffing, then you can forget it. they sense fear as well so stay cool.)

then, you turn and walk a few steps away (just far enough to give him space, but not far enough away that if he does actually roll into the street you can't grab him). if you hover, he'll push it and try to see how long he can get away with it. if you give him his space you're putting the ball squarely in his court. he'll move the bike- but if he doesn't, then that joker needs to go inside. a few times of that mess and he'll figure it out.

i do not claim to be an expert on toddler negotiation by any means, but i can say that i do it on a daily basis with two of the hard-headedest little boys on the planet.

and with all of these skills, i wouldn't be surprised the the FBI isn't calling me tomorrow. or at least a book publisher. maybe the today show?

** edited to add: y'all, i'm being silly. none of this works half of the time. except the first one about saying "okay" and the one about the shoes - those work a little more than half. other than that, there's no way to really negotiate with a toddler. especially mine who is on steroids right now. dear Jesus help us all.

Name That Stain!

Hello and welcome to everyone's favorite guessing game- Name That Stain!
Anyone want to take a guess at who/what/how this stain came to be? It's a tricky one.
The first one to guess correctly wins! (we'll get back to you on that prize)
All right folks- give it your best shot!
(mom's guesses are: sticky marshmellow chunked at mirror OR sticky marshmellow mouth kissing mirror... Either one is equally possible!)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

high school

oh, high school. you couldn't help but love it, or hate it :) for the most part, i loved it. when i think about high school i mostly think about being on the danceline. we were such fabulous girls! on friday nights there were no stars who shown brighter than us- with our silver pom poms flashing and gold hooplas swooshing. we had the high kicks, the stunts, big matching rhinestone earrings and HAIR. boy we knew how to work the hair.

top pic: danceline banquet, senior year, me and my dearies. i had some pretty friends for sure. and my mom made that suit- i couldn't wear clothes like a normal girl because i was a muscle wrapped around a bone, so my mom made all my stuff. she was awesome like that. plus nobody had the same outfit i did.

bottom pic: before a game, sophomore year. our costumes changed every year, this one had been the standard for like four years until we got a new sponsor and she changed it all up. those white boots sure did look great all kicking in unison. i loved the contagion we did where we kicked and then the person next to us caught our leg and then we fell like dominoes into a split (all 25 of us in a straiiiiggght line). did i say we were fabulous?

pic 1: i was always the stunt girl. not quite sure why it took five girls to hold me up, but we moved in a circle and around the field for this little stunt. this one was taken at dance camp. at camp we dressed exactly alike. we had the same earrings, hairbows and shoes. we took it very seriously, and usually, we won in our competitions. we had style.

pic 2: me with my new plum colored honda civic. i loved that car, i got it senior year. my bff's teal pontiac was behind mine. y'all just take a gander at those cut-offs i'm sporting, cause you'll be seeing them a lot in this here post.

the hair! the first picture is me in junior high, or maybe freshman? and the second i think is the danceline my sophomore year after the christmas parade. we could rock the hair even with santa hats! we also had red pom poms to be festive :) see what i mean about matching to the "T"?


first pic, homecoming senior or junior year.. not quite sure.

second pic: after the ballgames on friday nights me and my two bffs... sometimes three bffs would head to my house to spend the night. we'd watch the video my dad took of our performance, check to see if we made the sports reel on the ten o'clock news and then finally crash. i had a daybed with a trundle, and we'd push the trundle up against the bed and lie long ways, sometimes four across. and yes, that's my bathroom we were in- if you look closely you can see my andre agassi calendar, and elvis poster over the toilet (because he was the king, get it?) and even closer my friend's caboodle. or maybe it was mine? either way we were big time hair and makeup girls for sure. and i know this for sure too, i miss having my own bathroom (and my caboodle)!

GLAMOUR SHOTS! i thought i was sooo cool back then. lord help me, if my grandmother doesn't take down the one with me in the hat that's in her hallway...

and the second pic was taken spring break my senior year. i think i loved those shorts because a secret crush of mine gave them to me. or maybe i borrowed them and never gave them back? #promiseiwasn'tastalker.

anyway, spring break is when my senior year started to kind of suck. i had a falling out with my two bffs over #1 a secret, and #2 a boy. the worst in high school drama for sure. in high school, you either have friends who love you no matter what or friends who love you no matter what until you cross them, and then they will make your life hell. those are the kind of friends i had. looking back though, i'm not sure i wouldn't have treated them the same way. we're friends on facebook now, so i guess all is forgiven :)

pic 1: i can't remember where we were going. or whether our hair was going with us. check the acid washed jeans! i loved those jeans, they were guess? with zippers on the sides- and you didn't have to tight roll them. (as if y'all can't figure out how old i am by looking at these pictures... yes, i tight rolled my jeans!)

pic 2: prom, junior year.

like i said, high school... you either loved it, or not. i'm just glad i survived it with fond memories is all i can say.

the best we got.

here's the fam easter sunday. not sure why we picked the front porch seeing as how we were BLINDED BY THE SUN out there.

HOW in the blessed world do people get those awesome sunday morning easter shots? in four years we've never once been able to pull it off. maybe we'll like these better when the boys get grown- because i'm SURE at some point we'll think these are funny. if you zoom in a little you can see the spot of toothpaste on C's tie- just thought i'd throw that in there too. and by the way, did i mention these are the BEST of what we got?

anywho, anybody notice how lovely my flowers are this year?

the mutha-hood

y'all, i had a great day yesterday (and i hope you did too. i prayed for my friends who have lost their mothers, are mothers, are soon to be mothers, and want to be mothers. you all have a dear place in my heart!)

i took pics of my littles with their cousins, but i'll show you those later, because i still have easter photos and what-not to post and i don't want to be out of order.

after church i got to take a nap (a long nap. so long that i made us late to my bro & sis in laws). i got some sweet cards and a lovely gift from my sweet family.

and now, in honor of the day after mother's day, i'd like to share with you things that made me love being a mom today:

- collin wearing his brother's camo boots all morning.

- caleb announcing to mrs. jayna (our preschool director) as she was helping him out of the car, that "in the game of angry birds the birds want to kill all the pigs because the pigs stole their eggs." sounds like i'm teaching my kids great morals, huh?

- collin jumping on my stomach while i'm trying to do my jillian michaels 20 minute shred. (i hate jillian by the way.)

- caleb telling me at lunch that his booty itched at school, but not the inside part just the outside part.

- collin giving me sweet hugs and kisses after waking up from his nap.

- both boys making a swimming pool out of the top of our sandbox. caleb making the slide into a water-slide with the hose.

- collin eating a red popsicle and smearing it all over his brother.

- both boys laughing. (but not about the popsicle, i can assure you c did not think it was funny!)

- collin's diaper getting so wet and full (with water, not pee!) that he pulled it off and carried it around like a baby.

- collin running around in a wet tshirt and no diaper wearing a bicycle helmet.

- caleb decided he wanted to try chicken nuggets for supper tonight (those of you who've been here a while know that the child doesn't eat anything and won't try anything so this was kind of a big deal) he liked them and ate several with copious amounts of ketchup.

- caleb wanting to see if his nocks were the kind that glow in the dark and talking about it non-stop for the entire afternoon. (for you non-hunters he's talking about the end of an arrow that hooks onto the string of a bow. i'm pretty sure i didn't spell it right, but i don't think it has the k at the beginning.)

- caleb telling me that owls are nocturnal.

- collin smearing ketchup all over his face at dinner.

- caleb yelling out, "good grief!" when his book fell off the table.

- both boys watching andy griffith with their daddy.

- collin's little hair all flipped out in the back when he gets out of the bathtub.

- collin sticking his finger in his nose when you ask him where his "eyes" are. he does it every time!

- caleb cuddling next to me.

i love my life in the 'hood.

the difference

how a four year old puts together a puzzle.

aaand how a one year old puts together a puzzle.

a bit of a difference, eh?

again!

y'all, i've been an SNL watcher from way back. not so much now because i can't stay up late- but me and my man reference that show all. the. time.
since caleb has been little bitty- his nickname, other than cdawg- has been "toonces". anybody know what i'm talkin' about?

go here

i love it! awesome- again!

lately...

buff's been into everything. nope, wait- make that EVERYTHING.

keith found cdawg asleep like this. i think he was a lil' tired!

we went to a fun birthday party

and i just don't know what to say about this.

a new year with the polk family

cdawg grew a mustache!
okay, he just grew an addiction to hot chocolate. we took the boys to the park on new year's day for a little while and it was SO cold. when we got home, C decided he needed some hot chocolate. he also said we needed to watch rudolf the red nosed reindeer and sing christmas songs. i think he was a little sad about christmas being over. i can remember being the same way.
poor buddy was sick the week he was supposed to go back to school and then missed an additional day because of the ice storm that came through. he was not happy about being out for 3 weeks and really missed his friends.
he's learned so much at school lately, not the least of which is learning to read :) we're so proud of him!

buff is growing like crazy! he's got a lot of words at 14 months, and i wanted to record them all.
mama
dada
Awuh!- caleb
maa maa- maggie
ba- book, ball or bath
sy- outside
bye bye (also waves)
hi! (he says this to people in the grocery store a lot. he also says it when he "answers" the phone)
saa- that
dis- this
bi bi (long i)- bite
na na- neenaw
me me- meme
nigh nigh- night night
no no! (he usually shakes his head and does the finger shake too!)
tank too- thankyou (this is his most common word, and he usually says it when he wants you to give him something)

when you ask him what the dog says he "pants"
when you ask him what the turkey says he gobbles with his tongue

he's such a fun little dude!

exhibit A

and also, i wanted to record the VERY FIRST TIME in history the child has sat for any length of time since he's been mobile. (i had to sneak this picture because i knew if he saw me he'd be up in a flash!)
and, not only was he sitting still, he was watching elmo- for 20 minutes. it was like a new year's miracle. however, sadly, this event has not repeated itself. and not from a lack of trying on my part :)

classic example

y'all, i love that my boys are so different. i love to compare them, imagine them when they're older, laugh at them- it's just fun. i always thought comparing my kids would be a negative thing, but it's just the opposite for me, i delight in their differences.

anyway, here's an example:

we're all three eating cereal (out of the box if you must know). i hold out a handful to the boys and caleb takes three or four and eats them one at a time. collin on the other hand snatches as much as he can and shoves it as quickly as he can into his chubby little cheeks all the while grunting loudly and reaching for the next handful.

if this doesn't demonstrate their personalities to a tee, i don't know what does :)

classic.

Christmas in Snow Village

recently my mom passed down her snow village to me. i think she said something about sharing the "fun" with my boys but we both know it's because my brother just doesn't want to fool with putting it out anymore. caleb had a ball unwrapping all of the people and accesories and placing them throughout our little town.

isn't this a lovely little place? such friendly people, all bustling to and fro.

i love the charming little homes, so pretty.

i thought it was the perfect little victorian scene, until i noticed one small little detail that didn't quite seem to fit :-)

i almost forgot to tell you, but we are a royalty.

no really, i was through blogging and was checking facebook when i remembered i forgot to tell you about the double crowns!

i was reading (okay totally stalking) a blog and this girl was describing her son's double crowns, and how she'd googled it and found some interesting things out. i started thinking about caleb's hair and when i went to check, sure nuff- he has a double crown. all it is is two hair whorls, or circles on the back of his head (everybody has at least one). one goes clockwise and the other counter on C's head. it can make for some interesting hair days, that's for sure. so anyway, i google it too and find out that people with double crowns can be either:

highly intelligent
highly unintelligent
or crazy

well, i was telling my mom all about it and how funny it was and that i was sure it came from keith's side. and then later i started thinking about the funny way my hair parts in the back and sure nuff AGAIN, i have a double crown. my mom insisted that i must have gotten it from my dad.

collin has a pretty prominent clockwise crown, but the more i got to investigating his hair i noticed that there was some growing counter clockwise-and sure NUFF AGAIN, a double crown.

keith has listened to me go on and on about this amazing phenomenon for a few days and i mentioned it in the car again this afternoon. i could tell he was pretty uninterested in another double crown conversation so i threw out, "baby, i think this means we're part of royalty or somethin'- i mean the THREE of us have double crowns? it could totally mean something!" he (of course) busted out laughing and said he was glad he married a funny woman.

little does he know i ain't jokin'. i think it means we're royals somewhere forgotten down the line :)

maybe i could get an 18 carat sapphire like prince william's (or should i call him cuz?) fiance is sporting, as an inheritance. it's rather lovely!

you must do fall crafts in your tighty-whiteys. it's a rule.

painting a pumpkin one lovely saturday morning

cute bed-head :)

baking pumpkin shaped sugar cookies- with sprinkles!

obviously, we're a (KID) clothing-optional crafting kind of family :)

brudder love

enjoying the view

i was trying to cook dinner the other night and i kept getting interrupted for one reason or another. just thought i'd take a quick picture of "real life", or my view as a mama.

and, yes, i do have to have a stool. i'm short and i can't reach nothin'

you'd think he didn't have a bed

we were all running around getting ready and keith said, "D, go look at cdawg. he's in the bathroom." so this is how i found him. doesn't he look all comfy and cozy? ha!