so how's it going?

apparently this is the question that's been on everybody's mind when they see me- how is my school year going? last night i was determined to take the boys to church but it was well into the actual service before i made it- i kept getting stopped with this question. not that i mind!


the good:
- school is good. i have 23 little ones (and second graders are still babies!) who i believe were put in my class for a purpose. it's different being a mama AND a teacher- i really try to think about how i would want my own child to be treated in every situation. it changes your perspective, and really makes me much more patient. they all have precious little personalities, and i'm so thankful to have great parent support. if i could just teach and not do all of the other mountains of paperwork and meetings and all that jazz i think it'd be perfection.

- i love sitting in my monogrammed (it's not my monogram because it's a hand me down, but it is monongrammed! ha!) teacher chair and teaching. i love thinking about how i'm going to teach a math lesson and what neat tools i'm going to use to teach it. i've always been a good reading teacher and although everyone says everything has changed- the stuff that i did that was "best practice", we're all still doing. so i'm not on too much of a learning curve.

- i realize now that i used to do it all myself when it came to my classroom. this time around, those little minions (and my own personal minions) are doing as much as they are capable of doing. filing, checking work, helping each other with work- they can do it and i'm asking them to do it. on that same note, my own kids can do so much more than they used to and they do. they pack lunches and snacks and bathe themselves and fill water bottles and all that good stuff. sometimes i'm like WHY did i make myself do all of stuff this before? it's good for them. i'm also making them accountable for paperwork and homework, and i really think it's better for all of us. it may not be the way i would've done it, but necessity made us all adjust for the good.

- the girls i teach with. there are two hallways for second grade and each hallway is divided into "pods". each pod has 6 teachers in it. the girls that are in my pod are hysterical- for real. they are always smiling, always helpful, and our running group text just makes my life sometimes.

- probably wouldn't be good for everyone, but i am like losing a pound a week! i eat whatever i want, but i know that my calories during the school day are so seriously cut, that i'm probably not making a 1200 calorie mark. this will probably not be the case throughout the year, but for right now, i'm too busy to eat.

- caleb polk. the easiest, sweetest, smartest kid. gets out of bed every morning with a smile on his face and does what he's told. i'm pretty sure he gets all of this from his daddy. wish i could say the same about his brother in the mornings, he gets his attitude from me.

- my MAN. y'all, he has done the dishes, cleaned, cooked, washed clothes, done bedtime duty every night for weeks. he's prayed over us/me, he's played with our kids. he's been a rockstar. like no joke. so thankful for him.

- it's going to sound silly, but i missed clothes and shoes. i bought a lot over the summer so i'd have stuff to wear, and i have so enjoyed picking out clothes each day. i also went a little crazy with the shoes. when caleb said something about me buying two pairs of tennis shoes keith said, "yep, just like before y'all were born. when she makes her own money, she does her own thing." true dat baby.

- things that were frivolous before, are gone. i was kind of depressed about the fact that i felt like i had to let go of some things, but then i'd really been praying for some answers about those things, and having them cut out of my life has been an answer.

- while i like a clean house, and we are by no means filthy- i've never been a neat freak. clean enough most days is good enough for me, but i hated how messy and gross my house was all the time with everyone here.  so not being here all the time means a fairly neat house. not such a bad deal.

the bad:
- i'm exhausted. like my eye has twitched uncontrollably for about two days i'm so tired. and i'm going to bed at 10:30 most nights, so i know it's probably not enough sleep, but it's not like crazy little. it's just working from 5:15- till absolutely 10:30. non-stop. i do stuff with my family until they go to bed, and then i work on school stuff till i make myself go to bed. and then i get up and do it all over again.

- mom guilt. i think no matter what you do you're going to feel mom guilt. i see my kids during the day the same amount of time that i would if i stayed at home, and i probably spend the same amount of time with them, but it's just not the same because mom "works".

i will say this- i usually decorate and have milk and cookies after school on the first day (and of course i didn't do that. i was just glad they were dressed and had their teeth brushed....and some forgotten supplies hastily slung in the backpack that didn't make it to open house.)- but neither child even noticed or asked about it. i think i put a lot of pressure on myself to do things for my family, but the pressure is from me and not them. it's not that they're not appreciative, but they like getting candy and a coke from the gas station just as much (if not more) than homemade cookies and a sign.

- making collin ride the shuttle bus. he rides the bus for the 6 minutes it takes to get from my school to his school which is maybe 5 miles. but the other day his buddy was sick and couldn't ride the bus with him. he cried and screamed and said there was no way he was getting on that bus and i had to ask the bus driver to come and get him and put him on the bus- because i had kids coming to my class. there's a lot of guilt in that- i was putting my job before him. at least that's what my mom guilt said. my head knew that collin would be fine (especially after i talked to his teacher and she said she never even knew anything was wrong with him because he came in with a smile on his face!! punk.) but there's still some guilt in the fact that i picked caleb up every day of his life k-3 and my baby is on a bus. keith said he would start taking him in the mornings, but i don't think that would solve the problem, because collin is our sandpaper kid.

** whenever we can, we make life hard for collin (not in a mean way, but we're just not going to inconvenience ourselves, or do things to avoid a fit). this may sound rough, but he's the kind of kid that falls apart ALL THE DANG TIME about EVERY DANG THING. so we make life a tiny bit hard for him, because as much as we hate listening to the big ole fit we know is gonna happen, we have to teach him now how to deal with all those feelings he's got, and how to handle them in a way that doesn't involve crying, whining, begging, or talking back. that's why we call it sandpaper- we're smoothing out the rough edges. so he really does need to ride on the school bus without his best friend FOR SIX WHOLE MINUTES so that he can learn to face things and react in a way that's appropriate. (sometimes i wonder if God doesn't do the same thing with me? maybe i'm his sandpaper kid :)

- uti's. i can't quit 'em. they were bad when i taught before, and they're back. not drinking and not going to the bathroom will do that to you.

- i miss scrapbooking :( i did buy me a really snazzy and kind of expensive planner to put washi tape and use my fun pens and stickers in. that makes me happy. keith didn't say a word when he saw the box and c was like- that thing must've cost a hundred dollars! (it didn't and i'm not sure how caleb would've known any dadgum way.) keith knows i make my own money and i do my own thang. ha!